This morning, as I was drinking my coffee (reheated for the sixth time), I started looking around my living room and realized that so many of the things in my house have taken on new functions besides the ones they were designed to do. I guess I'm not the only over-achiever that lives here my unique brand of "multi-tasking" seems to have seeped over into inanimate objects, too.
Ottoman: Originally purchased to sit in front of the couch as a cozy alternative to a coffee table, can double as extra seating and a nice place to put your feet up without worrying about putting your feet up on a coffee table because we are very proper around here.
Ottoman in my house: Stuff holder. My stuff. Your stuff. His stuff. Their stuff. It literally just collects stuff. Stuff currently on my ottoman including but not limited to partial soccer uniforms, partial board game, clothes hanger, manicure supplies, dog leash, folded laundry, not folded laundry, homework, crumbs and a phone charger. No room for feet.
Couch: A nice place to lounge around.
Couch in my house: Laundry Room Part II. Also, stuff holder when the ottoman gets full. Beneath the cushions is also where I store all of my hair accessories, pencils, spare change, Lego pieces, and missing socks.
Kitchen drawers: An organized method to store all of your kitchen needs and household supplies.
Kitchen drawers in my house: Place where I place things that I don't want to throw away, but also have no idea where it should go. It's kind of like a museum of my life in there. If I ever need to participate in a time capsule, I'll just empty the contents of my kitchen drawers in it. People thousands of years from now will know what kind of phone charger I used in 2007 and be mesmerized by my collection of unsharpened pencils, business cards, manuals, invitations, cards, coupons, mail, etc. Most people have one of these drawers. I have six. You can check stuff into the drawers any time you like, but it can never leave.
Dining room: What is the point of a dining room anyway? Supposedly it's a nice place to gather family for holidays, where everyone can relax and eat on your grandma's 80-year-old china, while you are most definitely not relaxed because everyone is touching your grandma's 80 year-old china.
Dining room in my house: The breakables are under lock and key and the table is ground zero for whatever is going on at the moment. Right now my house is being renovated, so it's a construction storage room. At Christmas time, it's wrapping and decoration central. Sometimes it's a Lego village, sometimes it's an office. One thing it is never, ever? A place where we dine.
Garage: A place in which cars are parked and tools are safely stored.
Garage at my house: Besides the thousands of bikes, scooters, skateboards, helmets, balls, rackets, bats, and clubs, the garage is a place where stuff goes to wait in limbo, wondering what fate it will see. Will it be thrown out? Will it be donated? Will it be sold? I don't know, just put it in the garage and I'll decide later.
Car: Vehicle to move you and your family from place to place.
My car: Vehicle to move half-empty water bottles all around town.
In writing this article I've come to the conclusion that one, I have too much stuff two, I have totally run out of places to put said stuff, three, I need a professional organizer and four six junk drawers in the kitchen is insane.