As I'm sitting here with my coffee and my little brown dog warming my feet ... I'll admit it, I've become one of those crazy dog people. I have almost always had a dog throughout my life, but I've never been as weird about it until my most recent dog, a little girl boxer, we adopted from a rescue about a few years ago. Is it strange to think a dog can be your soulmate? In honor of her, here are my top five reasons dogs are easier than my kids.
One: Dogs don't whine about what they eat. They get the same bowl of slop for breakfast and dinner and they eat it without complaint and they're pretty freaking excited about it, too. When they get a special treat they're appreciative ... they don't say "Ugh, Milk Bones again? I'm so sick of Milk Bones. Why don't you ever buy any of those ones with the meaty centers? Frodo gets the ones with the meaty centers," and then I have to say, "Well maybe you should go live with Frodo. I guess Frodo's dad makes a lot more money than we do."
Two: Generally speaking, dogs like to sleep and don't wake you up at 5 a.m. on Sunday morning to ask if they can play X-Box or have some chips. They don't need four drinks of water, three trips to the bathroom, two songs, and eight stories before they go to bed at night, either.
Three: There's never a mystery where your dog's pee is going to land. It's in the yard. End of story. My kid's bathroom is like a minefield. I'd honestly rather go walking around my backyard barefoot and take my chances out there than go barefoot in my boys' bathrooms at times. It's that bad.
Four: Dogs just like to hang out with you. They don't even care if you're laying around on the couch watching Lifetime movies. They don't tell you they're bored over and over again and demand you build Lego fortresses with them even though you just spent the last two hours entertaining them. You don't have to sit for an hour and feign interest in their Minecraft villages and Pokemon battles and the history of the X-Men. (Actually, I enjoy the X-Men, bad example.) Dogs just chill. Pat their head, scratch their ears, they're just happy they exist.
Five: Dogs don't have homework. Dogs aren't learning multiplication and division in the dumbest possible ways imaginable. You don't have to Google how to help your dog with their math homework. If you tell a dog how to determine what 864 divided by 7 is, they just believe you. They don't say "Mrs. Barkly says that's not the way you do it" and you say "But that's the answer. That is what 864 divided by seven is" and they say, "Nope. We have to do it this way" and you say, "But I don't know HOW to do it that way. Even though I'm 39 and have a college degree, I do not know how to do your math homework that way" and they say, "Well first you have to subtract 200 hundred from 64 and then you have to put them in groups of 10 and then you have to add 95 to four and then you have to take THAT number and determine the square root of 99 plus 11 to the ninth power. Then you put it into groups of seven" and then you both start crying. That doesn't happen with dogs.
Dogs just dog ... and I love it so much.