Reality is hard. Sometimes things are made to look so easy when you're looking at them from the outside and watching someone else do them. Ice skating, for instance. You watch and they're so graceful, so elegant, and you think to yourself how hard could it really be to strap blades onto your feet and sail across solid ice looking like Tinkerbell? Turns out, it's pretty hard. Figuratively hard and literally hard.
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about ice skating. I'm here to talk about cakes. I don't even know why ice skating was brought up. Moving on, not to brag, but I consider myself pretty handy in the kitchen, and I'm also slightly artistic. Nothing crazy, but I know my way around making a respectable craft when the need arises. I'm also not a stranger to making a really nicely decorated cupcake. I figured this trifecta would serve me well when I saw a pretty awesome looking Minecraft cake on Pinterest that my son wanted for his birthday party.
If you don't know anything about Minecraft, a) consider yourself lucky and b) here's a little lesson: it's nothing but blocks. Everything the kids can build in the game is in the form of a perfect cube. A pretty good foundation for making a cake if you ask me. Stack a bunch of squares on top of each other? Some made of cake, some made of Rice Krispy Treats, some made of electric blue jello? Come on, how hard can it be? Slap on some green icing and there you have it: Sugary Minecraft Nirvana.
Looking back I probably would have been better off with ice skating. Firstly, do you know how hard it is to cut a cake into perfect cubes? This becomes rather important because when cubes aren't cut perfectly straight, guess what, they don't want to sit on top of each other. Who knew? Long story short, I spent all day trying to make a cake that eventually ended up in the trash and walked away with the following knowledge:
• Pinterest is the devil's playground
• Two tubes of green food coloring isn't enough for Minecraft Green icing but it's pretty good if you're going for a mint chip ice cream tribute
• Green icing stains your hands (and your clothes and the cabinets) when the piping bag explodes
• You can really surprise yourself with how many F bombs you can drop in one sitting
• Buying a sheet cake after yours ends up in the trash, the morning of the party, scraping off all the icing and covering it with not-green-enough icing leftover from your own personal cakewreck and some Minecraft toys seems like a better idea in theory than execution
• Professional cake makers are worth every penny they charge
• Cakes are stupid
• Parties are stupid
• Minecraft is stupid
• In the end, nobody cares. I could have saved myself a lot of time, money, frustrations, and swear words by sticking straws in some Mrs. Butterworth's and they would have been just as happy. In fact, if I ever have another party in this house, we're having pancakes. I'm really good at making and stacking pancakes and who wouldn't want to come to a pancake party, anyway?